


if only the flowers of our spring day can bloom again

by unbalancedlove



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Character Death, Childhood Friends, M/M, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 17:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbalancedlove/pseuds/unbalancedlove
Summary: jihoon falls in love with woojin twice.





	if only the flowers of our spring day can bloom again

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is a fic that i worked very very hard on and has a special place in my heart. i've always wanted to write a story like this and i'm really happy that i finally got the chance to do it. i really hope you guys like it. please pay attention to the warning at the top before proceeding!
> 
> thank you dia amanda and dicey for looking over this big mess and giving me feedback on it.
> 
> title from ben's misty road (moonlight drawn by clouds ost)
> 
> note: all the places mentioned in the story are fictional.

 

**** “hey guanlin, do you believe in soulmates?”

“of course, finding a soulmate for your highness is part of a long royal tradition that spans hundreds of years and is integral t-”

jihoon rolled his eyes at him. “there’s no one else in the room, you can stop reciting that bullshit.” he looked over his shoulder to make sure the door was closed and that the guards outside weren’t listening in as his father usually instructed them to do.

guanlin sighed. “it is a load of bullshit.”

his room was littered with priceless gifts from his fiance’s family. jihoon hated every single one of them, he felt like he was being sold off as property, like this gold was all he was worth. 

jihoon never believed in fate and destiny. they were just empty words that belonged in the stories that his elderly caretaker told him before bed when he was younger. how convenient was it for his soulmate to be the only prince from a rich kingdom in need of allies? he said as much to his parents, but they swore up and down that the royal oracle never lied, that they would never use him as a political pawn. 

but it had been the same way for generations. every member of his family must have their partner chosen with the help of the divine. sacrifices and prayer ceremonies were held all around the palace for months prior to the decision making, and jihoon had unsuccessfully attempted to stop every single one. he knew he could get away with his stubbornness and so-called selfish behavior because he was ranked fifth in the line of succession. unfortunately though, having older brothers could not save him from the fate that all of them must suffer: a political marriage.

today was his wedding to prince woojin.

guanlin, the son of an ambassador from a small island nation, was his formal companion. one of the few people he could actually trust. after the palace’s handmaidens had spent the entire morning meticulously preparing him for the ceremony, jihoon requested to be left alone with him for an hour before he had to head out and face what quite possibly was about to become the worst day of his life.

“well, whether you believe in it or not,” guanlin said as he admired jihoon’s red and golden robes, “you have to go out there and perform the ancient rituals.” 

“i know,” jihoon answered in a small voice. he was about to run his hands through his hair, but remembered the stern court lady’s warning not to touch the heavy headpiece. instead he huffed in frustration. “i just think it’s a stupid waste of time, i’ll probably fall asleep up there.”

guanlin looked a little panicked. “you can’t mess it up!”

jihoon smirked. “i thought you didn’t believe in it either.”

guanlin scratched the back of his neck. “well, uh,” he scrambled for an excuse. “i’m just saying, you shouldn’t take that risk, you know?”

the reason guanlin wasn’t very dismissive of the concept of soulmates was because he was betrothed to his childhood best friend back home, someone he had always loved and couldn’t wait to marry. it made jihoon immensely jealous. still, he appreciated the fact that guanlin was going with whatever he was saying to make him feel better.

a gentle knock came on the door, cutting his line of thoughts short. he drew a long deep breath and tried to stand up, and guanlin rushed to his side to aid him. “it’s going to be fine,” he whispered as they made their way to the door.

jihoon’s heart was pounding almost as loudly as the drums outside his window.

 

the ceremony went by in a blur, and none of it mattered to jihoon because his husband wasn’t involved anyway. as per tradition, the two grooms were not allowed to see each other until the soul binding ceremony, which was to take place that night atop a mountain just outside the capital city. 

his gold-plated carriage (another gift from his obscenely wealthy in-laws) was ready for him at the palace back entrance, and jihoon, now changed into a much lighter set of robes, shivered as he made his way there. 

jisung, his oldest brother and the crown prince, was waiting for him there. his parents, predictably, were not. jihoon had been successfully sold off and their job was done.

“that’s not the face of someone who’s about to meet the love of their life,” jisung joked with an easy smile. 

“actually, it is the face of a prince who’s about to participate in a stupid tradition because his ancestors were superstitious dicks,” he answered as he crossed his arms. “i’d rather live my next one thousand lives alone than be bound to some jackass i’ve never met.”

jisung raised an eyebrow. “i’ve met woojin, and you won’t be saying that after you get to know him. the royal oracle made the right call on this one.”

“yeah right, the same oracle who can’t even tell me what we’re having for dinner the next day?”

“for the last time jihoon, that’s not how her powers work.” jisung buried his face in his hands. he looked like he was regretting coming here in the first place.

jihoon wanted to believe his brother, but he just couldn’t picture that this woojin would be someone that he could get along with. the lavish gifts he received gave him this mental image of a pampered and haughty prince who cared more about his family’s fortune than actually getting to know him. besides, he was the only son in his family, with a much older sister who was already an adult preparing to take over the throne by the time he came along. it sounded like he grew up in a cold and lonely household.

“well if you say so,” jihoon said weakly.

jisung pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his forehead. “it’s going to be great, just trust me.” 

so jihoon decided to try.

 

jihoon watched as the sky swallowed the sun on his long trip to the mountain. his husband’s carriage was just ahead of his, and he found himself glancing curiously at it. what was woojin doing in there? sleeping? thinking about him? was he feeling nervous?

was he dreading this too?

it only just occurred to him that this prince would not be enthusiastic about marrying him either, which seemed unrealistic given that jihoon was the most handsome out of his brothers, and if he was as shallow as jihoon imagined him to be, that would be definitely be sufficient.

_ living with this face is just so difficult _ , he sighed to himself as he drifted to sleep. they were still hours away from the peak.

jihoon was shook awake by one of his servants just past midnight. normally he would have gotten grumpy and asked to be left alone for another hour, but then he realized that they had stopped in front of the ancient shrine, where every member of his family had performed the binding ceremony with their soulmate. 

he gingerly got off the carriage, feeling both dizzy and a little numb from the cold. 

there was woojin, wearing a matching set of white robes and a nervous expression. 

“hello,” he said as he offered his hand, and jihoon studied him warily before taking it.

 

prince woojin was his age,  just a little taller than him, with a spark in his eyes and a comforting warmth in his hand. but most importantly, he was a total stranger, and jihoon was very bad with strangers. woojin seemed like he wanted to start a conversation. he opened and closed his mouth several times before finally settling on “pretty cold out here, huh?” to which jihoon responded with a tiny nod. woojin quickly stopped trying after that.

the ancient shrine was made up of a single room with nothing but three seats, a few sculptures, and a dozen lit candles. jihoon didn’t understand why they had to come all the way here to do this anyway. the monk who was supposed to perform the ritual had also made the long journey from the palace. they should have just saved everyone some time and done it there. 

he wanted to say as much to woojin, but then he remembered that didn’t even know what woojin’s opinion was on this whole matter.

the stone structure provided no source of heat, and they both visibly shivered in their seats whenever a particularly strong breeze slipped through the door. that stupid monk wasn’t there yet, leaving them to stare off at every corner of the tiny room to avoid looking at each other. this must have been intentional, a way to force them to interact and talk to each other. jihoon was sure that jisung must have been the one behind it.

“you know,” woojin said suddenly, startling him, “we don’t have to-”

the monk walked in at that very second and took his seat between them. jihoon waited for a follow up but woojin kept his mouth shut, presumably because what he was about to say wasn’t appropriate to say in front of a monk.

they don’t have to what? woojin didn’t want to go through with this either did he? after all, who in their right mind would want to bind their soul with a stranger for their next thousand lives. that’s good, at least they got him a sensible husband. his conversation skills could use some work though.

the monk offered no greetings, he immediately opened his book of scriptures and got to work. he was stone cold, working like a machine, and he reminded jihoon of the days when he used to sneak into the temple and bother the monks during their prayers. they never budged or gave him the attention he expected and received from everyone as a young prince. his first experience with rejection.

and it looked like he just received his second moments ago.

the old man gestured for them to hold hands without looking up from his book, and the two princes quickly obliged. woojin’s hands were freezing now, and jihoon squeezed them tight. 

he made them recite a few verses and prayers to the gods of love and fertility, and jihoon mumbled his way through them. he was expected to memorize these things as part of his royal education, but he wasn’t exactly the most diligent student. the monk gestured again after they were finished. they were supposed to seal it with a kiss.

jihoon waited for woojin to make the first move, but he looked more nervous than before. his bottom lip was trembling, either from the cold or because he was just terrified. 

_ oh fuck it _ , he thought to himself and leaned in, at the exact same time that woojin moved. their foreheads clashed painfully, and jihoon missed woojin’s lips and landed on his chin instead.

they both glanced over at the monk, but he seemed unbothered. he didn’t ask them to do it again, and jihoon questioned if he even noticed that their lips never touched.

instead he just nodded in approval and took out a carved wooden box of needles in order to complete the final step: etching the soulmarks on their bodies.

“these marks will be present after you are reborn,” he said. “so you can find each other again in every lifetime.”

woojin loosened his robe and pulled it apart to reveal his toned chest, and jihoon watched in wonder as the monk’s needle seeped color into his golden skin. he couldn’t help but notice an array of scattered scars across his body. not so much of a pampered prince after all, was he?

his husband didn’t wince once, just scrunched his nose a few times. he even helped with the aftercare and wrapping up the bandages.

it was his turn next. he was to get an identical mark: two intertwined dragons just under his left collarbone. woojin’s calm reaction did not prepare jihoon for the pain that he was about to experience. he clutched at his clothes and gasped loudly when the needle penetrated his skin. woojin looked a little concerned but did not try to help. he just shifted uneasily in his spot.

as soon as his bandages were taken care of, the monk finally declared them to be soulmates and left as swiftly as he entered. 

jihoon waited for him to be out of earshot before speaking. “it wasn’t properly sealed,” he hissed at woojin.

woojin blinked at him. “what?”

“the ritual. it wasn’t completed properly, our lips never touched,” jihoon explained impatiently. woojin didn’t react, and he suddenly remembered what he was trying to tell him earlier. “but i guess it’s what we both wanted.”

“what do you mean?” god, could he be any more dense?

“you said we didn’t have to do it? this whole binding thing?”

“i never sai- oh fuck you idiot i was trying to tell you that we didn’t have to make small talk if you didn’t want to,” he nearly yelled, eyes wide.

“how dare you raise your voice while addressing me?” jihoon’s said instinctively, and regretted it instantly when he saw the shift in woojin’s expression.

“you’re my husband, i can talk to you however i want,” he stuck up his chin and folded his arms. their married life was going to be a nightmare.

“anyway,” jihoon said, awkwardly ignoring the fact that he’s just been called  _ the h word _ . “don’t tell anyone about it not being sealed, my family is going to raise hell if they find out.”

woojin nodded, and jihoon was puzzled.

“so what, you’re not upset that this is probably the only lifetime we’ll ever see each other?” he asked, half joking, not really sure what kind of answer he was looking or hoping for.

“why would i care about whether or not i’ve been bound to a total stranger? jeez don’t be weird about it,” he said, voice dripping with disgust as he made his way to the door, leaving jihoon alone, cold, and fuming.

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

jihoon is fifteen minutes late to the last day of school.

“you didn’t have to wait for me, you know,” he says breathlessly to woojin.

woojin shrugs. “are you kidding? i’ll take any excuse to miss first period,” he wraps an arm around jihoon’s shoulder. “besides, it’s the last time we’ll ever get to walk to school together, i wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“do you really mean that?” jihoon feels touched.

“no,” he admits. “i was playing with your dog in the front yard and lost the track of time.”

jihoon shakes him off and huffs. “you should have ran inside and woke me up! useless ass neighbor.”

jihoon isn’t one for sentimentality, but his heart feels heavy as they make their way to school. the logical part of him knows that the past ten years of friendship with woojin isn’t going to magically vanish just because they aren’t going to spend every waking moment together anymore.

he has to tell woojin about the news he received last night by the end of the day.

woojin looks totally unbothered, acting like it’s just another day. he probably wants to spend it as normally as possible. he isn’t the best with feelings and sappy things in general either. after all, he was the one who threw jihoon’s seventeenth  birthday present in front of his house with a note that said “you’re cool i guess” attached to it. at least jihoon has the guts to hand it to him in person.

the two of them make it to the classroom halfway through second period, and their elderly history teacher, already accustomed to their antics and general disinterest in his class, only pauses to shoot them a stern glance before going back to whatever he was reading, something about the weird customs of an ancient civilization.

after they settle down at the very back, woojin rests his head on the desk to take his morning nap. jihoon  _ tsks _ , tears a tiny piece out of his notebook, and scribbles a note.

_ meet me in the clubroom at 4. _

he tosses it at woojin’s head, who doesn’t budge, already fast asleep. he resorts to pinching his arm instead, and woojin screams in pain and shoves jihoon off his seat. jihoon drags him with him and pulls his hair, and their fight continues until they hear a very loud  _ ehm _ from the teacher, who simply points at the door.

“it’s all your fault,” woojin hisses, and jihoon smacks his arm.

“what ever happened to  _ boohoo it’s our last day together i wanna spend it all with you i love you so much jihoon,”  _ he mocks in a high pitched voice.

“fuck you, i never said any of that,” woojin answers as he takes his usual position out in the hall and raises his arms. “what was in that stupid note anyway?”

“you can read it when we go back inside,” jihoon says. he doesn’t have the guts to say it out loud.

“suit yourself, i’m going to try and see if i can take a nap standing up.”

 

the theater clubroom is jihoon’s favorite place in the entire school. his parents refused to let him pursue an acting career until he finished high school, so his last semester was spent going from audition to audition. when one of the larger agencies finally called him to inform him of their decision. he thought it would be most appropriate to tell woojin the news here.

“are you planning on saying anything today?” woojin asks after fifteen minutes pass with either of them talking. “if you don’t i’m gonna start, i actually had something to tell you too.”

jihoon sits up. “what? what do you want to tell me?”

woojin pauses, not expecting that reaction. “i changed my mind, you go first.”

“that’s not fair! whatever it is, it can’t be more important than what i have to say so you should get yours out of the way now.”

woojin snorts. “i highly doubt that.”

jihoon grows suspicious. where is woojin going with this? and why on earth hasn’t he said a single thing before? they never kept anything from each other.

“how about this then,” he says. “on the count of three, we’ll both say it at the same time?”

“sounds good to me.”

jihoon takes a deep breath. “one, two, three-”

“i’m going to start training at penguin entertainment.”

“i’ve been in love with you for three years.”

jihoon’s heart stops beating.

“no,” woojin whispers. “you’re leaving?”

jihoon nods, his entire body is shaking. something feels wrong. everything feels very wrong. the room is spinning around him and he leans back into the nearest table for support.

“i’m sorry woojin, i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry you know i have to do this,” he stammers, barely managing to string words together.

“hey, are you okay?” woojin’s voice is laced with concern, although he looks just as shaken. he takes a step closer, and jihoon could see the sweat beads forming on his forehead.

“i’m fine,” jihoon grunts. their faces are a little too close, and he seems to notice it at the exact same moment that woojin does.

there is a certain darkness in woojin’s eyes. a wild and unfamiliar look that jihoon had never seen before. he knows what this is, he knows what woojin is about to do and he’s dreading it.

woojin closes his eyes and leans in, but jihoon turns his face away and bites his bottom lip. 

he waits for woojin to stop, and he finally does at the very last second. woojin moves back, clenching his fists, breathing shallowly, trying to stop himself from crying.

“i’m sorry,” jihoon whispers again.

to his surprise, woojin actually musters a smile. “i understand, i’m sorry too.” his voice cracks. “good luck at penguin. i’m sure you’re going to become a huge star, just like we always talked about.”

jihoon’s legs finally give out, and he clutches at his chest. “woojin-” 

“j-just promise me you’ll forget this ever happened? let’s never talk about it again. i’m still your best friend, okay?”

jihoon can’t make that promise. he can’t pretend that things haven’t changed between them forever. he’ll never look at woojin the same way again.

but he smiles.

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

breakfast was awkward.

woojin’s belongings had arrived at their shared residence in the palace weeks ago, but actually having him there still felt strange. jihoon was taken aback when he woke up and there was an unfamiliar face snoozing loudly across from his. he was confused when the court ladies rushed in with an extra set of robes. he did a double take when he saw that the dining table was set for two.

what was more shocking was how woojin’s behavior made a hundred and eighty degree shift around the servants and other palace staff. no longer was he the rude and loud prince that he caught a glimpse of when they were alone. jihoon found it annoying. he was the last person deserving of woojin’s disrespect. he wanted someone to worship the ground he walked on.

his own plates were mostly untouched. he clicked his chopsticks together distractingly as he thought of the previous night’s events. messing up the ceremony didn’t have any consequences, did it? he hated the fact that these made up rituals were even getting to him now. he decided to shake it off and focus on his current and very real problems. namely the one sitting across from him.

“we’re meeting up with my brothers later,” he announced nonchalantly to woojin, who almost choked on his soup.

“y-y-your brothers? all five of them?”

“yeah, we have tea together every afternoon.” jihoon tilted his head. “is that a problem?”

woojin shoved a mouthful of rice into his mouth. “nuf reawlly.”

jihoon scrunched his nose in disgust. he hoped that his husband wouldn’t behave like this in front of his brothers. 

  
  


jisung pulled woojin into a tight hug as soon as they arrived. “welcome to the family!” he announced loudly while petting his head. jihoon huffed as he took his seat next to seongwoo, the third prince. jisung always pet  _ his _ head during afternoon tea.

“looks like you’re getting replaced,” seongwoo whispered to him, adding fuel to the fire. jihoon responded with a swift elbow to his ribs.

woojin, finally free from jisung’s embrace, sat next to jihoon. jihoon glanced at him curiously, he was blushing furiously and his eyes were glued to the floor. his older brother’s overt affection must have been a little too much for him.

“since jihoon isn’t bothering,” jisung said. “let me introduce you to everyone.”

woojin nodded rapidly. “from left to right: your husband, the third prince seongwoo, the second prince sungwoon, the fourth prince jaehwan, and-” jisung looked around. “has anyone seen daehwi?”

“right here!” daehwi walked in, dragging jinyoung behind him. “oh my god, is woojin here already?” he ran over to him and hugged him tight, almost suffocating him. jihoon tried to hold back his laughter.

“sixth prince daehwi, and his partner jinyoung.”

“how do you like it here so far? has sungwoon tried to murder you yet? isn’t jihoon such a stuck up asshole?” daehwi fired question after question at him, and woojin, who hadn’t gotten the chance to say a single word since they arrived, stared at him with his mouth hanging open.

“hey, ask him what he thinks about me too!” jaehwan yelled.

“you can ask him yourself, jaehwan, he’s sitting right here,” seongwoo said.

“you know i’m shy around strangers,” he pouted.

“can everybody shut up?” jihoon flailed his arms around to get their attention. “he just got here, stop overwhelming him.”

sungwoon smirked. “aw, look at you trying to act like a caring husband. just last week you said you’d rather jump off the roof than marry ‘that dofus prince.’”

“w-what?” were woojin’s first words. he turned to jihoon in disbelief, and jihoon shrugged.

“please, it’s not like you were super excited about marrying me either,” he said.

“actually, woojin spent hours asking me questions about you when joohyun and i went to visit last month,” jisung countered awkwardly.

silence fell in the room, and sungwoon had the decency to look a little apologetic.

“i, uh, i have to go,” woojin stammered and rushed out before anyone could protest.

jihoon wanted to follow him, but seongwoo held him back and shook his head. “go after him now and you’ll end up saying something even more stupid,” he said. jihoon couldn’t disagree with his logic.

jisung’s wife, joohyun, kicked them out of the crown prince residence soon after, complaining about the noise. “if i have to listen to jaehwan and seongwoo argue about who ate the last rice cake one more time,” she threatened. “i’ll have you all executed when i become queen.”

jihoon caught up with guanlin at the garden. he was sitting alone, watching the ducks swimming through the pond. he recapped the day’s events (with a little sugar coating to make himself seem like less of a raging asshole) to him, and guanlin contemplated them for a few minutes before speaking.

“remember when i first came to the palace? i was six and you were eight.”

jihoon was mortified at the memory. he never wanted to think about this again. “you’re supposed to make me feel better!”

guanlin ignored him. “not a day had passed, and you had already pushed me into a mud puddle and then made me carry you around this garden because your princely feet were getting tired.”

“i’m sorry,” jihoon said, squeezing his cheeks in his palms. his face was ten degrees hotter.

“i did nothing but cry about it, because i liked you and thought that if i put up with it you’d be my friend,” guanlin laughed. “and then i realized that your older brothers treated you the exact same way, it was how you learned to show affection.”

“it all started when sungwoon dropped me on the head as a baby,” jihoon agreed. he’s been bullied ever since.

“so what i’m trying to say, your highness, is that you can’t get closer to your fully grown husband the same way you did with a crying 6-year-old.”

“is that really the same though?” jihoon asked quietly. “i mean, i’m still not okay with this marriage.”

guanlin looked at him curiously. “and that’s why you look like you can’t wait to get out of here and go back to him?”

jihoon glared at him, but raised no protest. guanlin knew him too well.

 

jihoon alternated between feeling guilty for being an asshole and getting angry at woojin for giving him mixed signals. it was jisung’s fault too for not telling him about how his meeting with woojin went. he didn’t care if he was sworn to secrecy to uphold their weddings traditions, they were still brothers. 

his heart felt heavy. woojin was all alone in their residence, the life that he had been so excited to start had just crashed and burned from the first day.

the sun had already set by the time he returned, darkness falling across the halls and making jihoon feel uneasy. he wanted to see woojin and apologize, but he also felt like there wasn’t anything he could say to make him feel better. he wondered if he should just skip dinner and head straight to bed, but then he remembered that woojin would be there too. 

“why is the table only set for one?” jihoon asked when he sat down to eat.

“prince woojin already ate an hour ago,” the court lady answered. “he also said that he was going to sleep in his private quarters tonight.”

“oh,” he said. his appetite was suddenly gone. 

the next few weeks went the same way, with woojin making a clear effort to avoid jihoon. it was almost like nothing in his life had changed since the marriage.

annoyingly enough, all his brothers were getting better acquainted with woojin than he was.

“i’m telling you, woojin might look meek and innocent but he did not hesitate to flip me over when we were wrestling earlier,” jaehwan said to jihoon over tea one day. he winced and grabbed his shoulder at the memory.

“you probably did something to deserve it,” jihoon replied, and an idea popped into his head. “wait, you were you wrestling?”

his brothers exchanged confused looks. “woojin spends the entire day on the training grounds,” jisung said. “you didn’t know this?”

“o-of course i knew! now if you’ll excuse me i have something important to do.”

“wow, i have no idea what that might be,” daehwi said dramatically, and the rest of them snickered.

woojin was shooting arrows alone in the field, hitting every target with perfect precision. jihoon noticed that he acquired a new scar on his cheek since he last saw him.

“nice shot,” he said as he snuck behind him, and woojin spun around immediately, his bow pointed directly at jihoon’s heart without missing a beat.

he lowered it and frowned. “it’s just you.” he turned back and continued what he was doing.

it was his way of telling jihoon to get the fuck out, and jihoon felt like he should keep his pride intact and leave, but he couldn’t back down now.

“you have great reflexes, where did you learn that?” he said, attempting to start a conversation.

there was a long silence. woojin probably thought that if he ignored jihoon for long enough he’d actually go away, but jihoon was more stubborn than he was giving him credit for. 

“the members of our royal family actually learn the art of battle,” he grunted. “the shameless display of weakness that your brother showed would have been met with heavy punishment back home.”

jihoon opened his mouth to defend jaehwan, but then he realized that he didn’t care about his brother’s honor enough to do so.

“i can definitely take you on,” he challenged.

woojin let out a long sigh of frustration. “why are you doing this?”

“what? if you’re too scared to fight m-”

“jihoon, i’m being serious. you can stop pretending and leave.”

jihoon grabbed his arm. “i’m being serious too,” he asserted. “i want to spend more time with you.”

“why? i’m giving you what you wanted, aren’t i? i’m out of your sight and you can pretend that you never got married.”

“look, i, uh,” jihoon scrambled for words. “i’m sorry i said that, i was being an over dramatic brat and didn’t consider your feelings in the process. i would have never said anything if i knew how you actually felt.”

woojin looked down at bow, and then back at jihoon. he seemed hesitant to move. but much to jihoon’s delight, he put the weapon away and assumed a fighting position, knees bent and fists ready.

“this doesn’t mean we’re okay, though,” woojin said, although that frown was finally gone.

jihoon smiled. “you’re on!”

woojin was just as strong as jihoon thought, his punches were so swift he could barely catch them, but unlike jaehwan, he put up a pretty good fight. he even managed to get a few hits here and there and taking woojin by surprise. woojin predictably won though, after getting an opening to grab jihoon’s arm and throw him in the air like he was a rag doll.

they both collapsed on the ground, panting and giggling, not caring that they were covered in fresh bruises.

“we should do this more often, i’m definitely going to win next time,” jihoon said.

“yeah right,” woojin snorted. “you really mean that?” he added quietly.

“obviously? i’m very confident in my skills.”

“not that! do you really w-want to spend more time with me?”

jihoon turned around to face him, he could see the soulmark peeking from woojin’s clothes, just the tail of one of the dragons.

“‘course i do, we’ll never know if this marriage will work if we don’t give it a try, right?”

woojin didn’t answer. he just stared at jihoon, waiting for him to continue.

“and who knows, maybe i’ll eventually learn to love you,” he said sincerely. jihoon didn’t think that he would ever say these words, but something about that moment, where time had stopped and it was just the two of them playing like old friends, that planted a seed of hope in his heart. for the first time, he really felt like there might be a future for them together.

he was a little scared of woojin’s reaction, not knowing how else he could show him that he meant everything that he said. that he really really wanted to make this work, for both of them.

woojin, reacting in the most mature way possible, got up and started running.

“i’ll race you home!” he screamed.

jihoon tried to catch up to him, but his legs were still not fully functioning after woojin had roughened him up. 

 

woojin finally sat down across from him for dinner that night. jihoon was beginning to learn that his husband preferred to communicate his feelings with actions rather than voicing them out loud. he could easily translate this to  _ i forgive you _ .

“so i guess the way to your heart is a kick to the stomach, huh?” 

“i didn’t want to tell you this, but that kick didn’t hurt at all,” woojin said. “i pretended to be in pain to spare your feelings.”

jihoon laughed. “yeah right, every time i got close and managed to get a hit you’d freeze up and turn all red, you were absolutely dying on the inside.”

woojin choked and coughed loudly. 

“exactly, just like that! your face was this exact shade,” he said and pointed at him delightfully, before handing him water when he realized that his coughing wouldn’t cease.

the question of whether or not they were going to sleep together hung awkwardly in the air. jihoon watched woojin walk back to his private quarters for a few seconds before catching up and clinging to him. that always seemed to work in his favor.

“i was thinking that maybe we could,” he was too embarrassed to finish the sentence, and woojin spared him by nodding shyly and following him back to his room.

they faced each other in the dark, and jihoon was surprised at how easy it was, at how comfortable he felt to be this close to woojin. he hoped that woojin was feeling the same the way.

jisung’s last words to him before he left for the shrine echoed in his head. maybe the royal oracle was right after all.

“what did jisung and joohyun tell you about me?” he asked, thinking of all the horribly embarrassing things that they could have told him. 

“the princess said that you were an irredeemable asshole and that i should run in the opposite direction,” woojin answered.

“aw, and you still went through with the marriage?” 

“i’m joking,” woojin continued, and jihoon slapped his arm.“they couldn’t stop gushing about you, they said you were intelligent, strong, and handsome.”

“really?” jihoon asked, he felt guilty for getting mad at jisung earlier.

woojin nodded “and well, they were right about one thing at least,” he continued softly.

jihoon’s heart skipped a beat.

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

jihoon is lying on the dirty practice room floor, panting, when his phone buzzes from across the room.

it’s woojin.

he stares at the screen in confusion. how long has it been since they last talked? two, three months? he can’t even remember the last time they saw each other. 

[8:31:23PM] PARK WOOJIN: hey, im in the neighborhood. wanna grab some coffee?

jihoon can’t deny that he’s been actively avoiding meeting up with him. he just can’t help it, every time he sees woojin’s face he thinks back to that incident in the clubroom. today, however, he is feeling particularly tired and lonely. he misses his simpler life back home, when his dreams seemed like a tangible reality before they got completely crushed by the harsh industry. he wants to feel that way again, even if it’s only for a couple of hours over coffee.

[8:33:40 PM] PARK WOOJIN: btw, i’m waiting outside your building.

[8:33:51 PM] PARK WOOJIN: could you come out quickly? the staff keep giving me weird looks.

jihoon throws on his jacket and rushes out. woojin is standing outside, leaning on a pole and shivering. he’s wearing his scrubs under his jacket, and jihoon guesses that they don’t provide much warmth.

they greet each other with a tight hug, and jihoon lingers for a little longer in his embrace. he tells himself that it’s because of the cold.

“man, you really stink,” is the first thing that woojin says to him when they pull away.

jihoon rolls his eyes. “try spending eight hours in the practice room everyday.”

“you’re really going out like that?” woojin says, looking him up and down. jihoon is wearing a pair of sweatpants and his ratty practice shoes, which were going to fall apart any day now. it was his third pair, and he isn’t sure he could afford to buy a new one until the beginning of the next month.

jihoon runs a hand through his drenched hair. “you’re right, where do you suggest?”

“how about my place?”

 

woojin’s apartment is tiny, but it’s still a lot better than the dorm that jihoon is sharing with three other guys, all with varying levels of experience in the entertainment world.

most of his childhood was spent playing at woojin’s house, so he instantly feels at home. he throws his jacket on the couch but hesitates to sit anywhere, knowing that he is in desperate need for a shower. 

“the bathroom’s is that way,” woojin points at one of three doors. “i’ll leave you a towel and a change of clothes inside.”

he notices the two toothbrushes inside. “you have a roommate?” he asks carefully, and hopes that woojin doesn’t catch what he’s really asking.

“oh, jinyoung is rarely ever here. he’s always over at his boyfriend’s.” woojin says.

the hot water of the shower clears his head, and he realizes with utter horror the kind of situation he is in. if someone had told him that morning that he would wind up naked in woojin’s apartment, he would have laughed in their face. what’s worse is that he doesn’t feel an ounce of regret, if anything, he wishes he had stopped by here earlier.

he steps out of the bathroom feeling in refreshed in woojin’s clean set of pajamas. woojin pats the empty space next to him on the couch and hands him a steaming cup of coffee.

he hesitates to ask how jihoon has been. it’s clear from his appearance and the fact that he still spends that many hours in his company’s basement everyday that his career isn’t exactly heading in a great direction. “i saw you in that fried chicken commercial earlier today,” he says. “and just thought to myself, huh, i wonder how he’s doing these days.”

“chicken commercials,” jihoon answers flatly. “how about you?”

woojin let out an awkward chuckle. “they’re finally letting me in the hospital,” he says, gesturing at his clothes.

jihoon doesn’t know what to say. he can’t think of anything except how good woojin looks in his uniform, how exhausted he feels, how much he wants to go back in time to five years ago and make a different choice.

but it’s too late for that now.

“they keep pushing me to practice my singing and dancing,” jihoon starts venting before he could stop himself. he’s tired of keeping it all in. “i keep asking for auditions and get vague answers, they have nothing for me except playing extras and stupid commercials.”

the tears start falling before he could stop them. the hollowness in his chest is replaced with a horrible pain that consumes him. 

“i wish i never left you behind,” he says with a pitiful sob.

woojin grabs his shoulders. “hey, hey, i’m here now aren’t i?”

his touch is comforting, and jihoon buries his face into his neck and soaks the hem of his shirt with tears. woojin holds him close and lets him cry.

they break apart, and jihoon sniffles quietly while woojin strokes his back. jihoon remembers what he said to him that day.

_ you’re going to be a big star one day, i just know it. _

he carried the same words with him throughout the hellish training, through all the rejections and injuries and the pleas from his parents to give up and come home. 

“woojin, can i ask you something?” he can barely speak.

“anything,” woojin breathes.

“do you still think i’m going to make it?”

woojin hesitates, he thinks for two seconds before smiling widely. “of course i do,” he wipes jihoon’s cheeks gently. “you’ll always be my star, jihoon.”

jihoon’s mind goes blank, his judgement is out of the window and the only thing he can focus on is how warm woojin’s hand is, and how he never wants him to let go.

he wants to close the space between them and fix the mistake he made all these years ago, so he leans in.

his phone rings, startling both of them. woojin tries to ignore it and continue but jihoon pushes him away. he awkwardly crawls down to grab it from the coffee table.

it’s guanlin. 

his heart drops to his stomach and his hands start shaking. 

“hey babe,” he answers, looking away from woojin. 

his boyfriend sounds worried, asking about his whereabouts and why he left practice without saying a single word to anyone. 

when he hangs up, he turns around to face woojin, feeling terrified.

“that was-”

“your boyfriend?”

he nods, the guilt is suffocating him. he’s back to a state of mind where he can tell that he was about to make a huge mistake. woojin looks furious.

“i think you should go,” he says in a hushed tone. he sounds calm, but the fury in his eyes is unwavering. “you can keep the clothes or send them back to me, i don’t really care.”

he quietly gathers his things, still feeling a little shaky. there is a strange pain of his chest that had been bothering him since he sat next to woojin.

“woojin?” he calls right before he leaves, and woojin’s head jolts up. “t-thank you for today.”

to his surprise, woojin actually smiles. “what are friends for?”

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

“will you stop fidgeting like that? you’re starting to stress  _ me _ out,” seongwoo yelled at jihoon. jaehwan and sungwoon nodded in agreement. 

“i’m not stressed out,” jihoon barked back.

sungwoon snorted. “you’ve been on edge since woojin left.”

jihoon was offended. he was doing just fine while woojin was away to visit his sister. sure, the past three days and twelve hours have been a little dull without his best friend, but besides that? he barely even noticed he was gone. everyone else seemed to, though.

“you guys should cut him some slack,” daehwi said, patting jihoon on the back. “it’s the first time that he and woojin have been apart since they got married.”

“the first time in one year and two months and four days,” jihoon said. “not that i care.”

everyone just aww’d and cooed at him, and jihoon glared at them.

“fine! i’m mad he had to leave, why can’t his sister just come here, huh? is our palace not good enough for her or something?”

“so let me get this straight,” jaehwan frowned. “you’re asking a queen to leave everything and rush over here because you can’t be apart from your husband.”

“it’s not that i  _ can’t _ it’s that i don’t  _ want _ to at the moment,” jihoon corrected him.

they were all gathered at his residence, which became their new designated afternoon tea spot after their greedy parents finally kicked the bucket and jisung became the king a few months earlier.

thankfully, joohyun had not gone through with her constant threats to have them executed (yet).

“so,” seongwoo asked slowly, terrified of getting ass kicked. “are you going to admit that you’re in love with him when he comes back or…?”

“everyone out!” jihoon got up and started trying to push them towards the exit. “i will not have you disrespect me in my own home.”

they all groaned.

“but i haven’t even finished my tea yet,” jaehwan said pitifully. 

“you can kick me out, but you can’t run away from the truth jihoon!” seongwoo screamed as he made his way out.

his brother wasn’t wrong. jihoon might have developed a massive crush on his own husband. training, eating, and sleeping with an attractive and charismatic person every single day just does that to you sometimes.

just around this time of the day, woojin would come back from his solo training session, pick a rice cake from jinyoung’s hand and take a bite from it before going to change.

jihoon sighed, he wasn’t planning to do anything about how he felt. somewhere along the way, their marriage morphed into this comfortable platonic companionship that worked precisely because there was no romance involved. it was easy and fun, he finally had someone he could gang up with against his annoying brothers. he knew the rest of them were probably relieved woojin wasn’t there to bully them with him. 

the situation was getting worse by the day, it wasn’t easy winning against your wrestling opponent when you feel flustered every time he gets too close to you. he had to work harder on disguising his feelings before woojin started catching on to why he had been winning all their matches recently.

to top it all off, guanlin had the audacity to finally marry his fiance and move back home permanently. with both his best friends gone, it was just him getting constantly teased about having gross  _ feelings _ .

 

it took jihoon a whole week to remember that woojin never told him how long he was going to be away for.

which was why he almost got a heart attack when he walked into the training grounds and found woojin there casually shooting arrows, just like he did when they finally became friends.

“oh, hey,” he said when he noticed him and flashed him his signature sunshine smile, with his little snaggletooth peeking out. jihoon felt like he was about to faint. “i didn’t notice you walk in.”

“how long have you been here?” jihoon said, still unsure if he was really there. 

“about an hour ago? who cares though, come here,” he replied and spread his arms out to him, so jihoon did what a normal person usually does after not seeing their husband for a week.

he grabbed woojin’s arm and slammed him into the floor.

woojin sputtered and coughed. “you’ve gotten better,” he admitted.

jihoon helped him back up, and woojin immediately pulled him into a tight hug. “but this is what i meant,” he said softly, and jihoon started to feel dizzy again.

“if you leave me for that long with these idiots again i’m going to set this entire place on fire,” jihoon said through gritted teeth.

woojin laughed. “they better not have gotten a little too comfortable with me gone, because i’m about to make up for some lost time.”

jihoon grinned at him and took his hand as they walked back home. 

 

halfway through the day, he realized that something was off. he pestered woojin to tell him about how his visit went, but he remained cryptic and wouldn’t say much besides that ‘everyone was doing great.’ this was unusual for woojin, who liked to share everything he did with jihoon in great detail and a little bit of theatrics.

he barely ate dinner that night, and that was when jihoon really started to worry. 

“if you don’t tell me what happened in your visit i’m going to stab your eye with this chopstick,” jihoon finally said as he pointed aforementioned chopstick in woojin’s face.

woojin bit his bottom lip and deliberated carefully before speaking. “things have been getting tense….politically.”

jihoon let out a silent  _ oh _ . this was not what he was expecting to hear. the tension between woojin’s kingdom and their neighboring powerful empire had been going on for years, and they’ve been waiting for an opportunity to invade. woojin’s parents married him off to form an alliance with jihoon’s family, and he thought that the situation had remained stable since then, but he was clearly wrong.

“it’s been getting worse since my father abdicated the throne and let my sister take over,” woojin continued, his eyes glued to his full bowl of rice. “the war that has been looming over my head since i was born might finally break out soon.”

jihoon moved to sit by his side. he held him close and rubbed the back of his neck gently. he could feel woojin’s body shaking around him. he hated himself for not knowing what to say. he wished he had comforting words, anything to stop woojin from looking this conflicted and broken.

he was waiting for woojin to cry, or get angry and head off to bed alone, or shove him away and tell him that he didn’t understand what he was going through (he didn’t). but woojin didn’t.

he smiled at jihoon fondly. “thank you.”

“i didn’t do anything,” jihoon answered, confused.

“i just mean uh,” woojin scratched his head nervously, “thanks for being here, you know?”

jihoon did know. woojin was the one who helped him deal with his parents’ death, and jihoon stayed up with woojin through all the nights where he couldn’t sleep because he was unbearably homesick. they always came to each other for everything, no matter how big or small. jihoon could always count on woojin to be there and listen, and woojin did the same.

his heart ached, he really wanted to kiss him then. this was the only barrier left between them, the three words that neither of them have dared to utter yet, and jihoon thought that this was the closest that woojin would ever get to saying them to him.

“we should get some sleep,” woojin said, the signs of distress mostly gone from his face. “i need to see if you’ve been slacking off while i was gone.”

 

things were mostly back to normal, but the news of the possible war had brought along a tense atmosphere into the palace. meeting with jisung had gotten even more difficult than it already was since he assumed his role as king, and jihoon constantly overheard the court ladies whispering nervously and shooting woojin pitiful looks.

the two of them resumed their daily routine though, and the topic was never brought up again after that night. woojin didn’t want to think or talk about it, and jihoon respected his decision and tried his best to cheer him up and stay by his side. 

it was the first anniversary of jisung’s crowning, and the palace was in frenzy as they prepared for the celebrations. 

they were talking a walk when jihoon noticed woojin watching everyone run around with a blank expression, like he wasn’t really there, and an idea popped into his head.

“psst, woojin,” jihoon whispered to his husband. “i have an idea.”

it took woojin a few seconds to return from wherever his mind was wandering. “does it involve locking one of your brothers in a closet?”

“not that kind of idea,” jihoon replied, although he had to admit that it was pretty good. “let’s sneak out tonight.”

he finally had woojin’s full attention. “what? like to the festival?” 

jihoon nodded enthusiastically. while his family celebrated with a boring dinner, the entire kingdom came to life with a festival that lasted three days. it was the perfect place to help woojin forget about his worries and enjoy some time away from the dull life inside the palace.

he seemed a little apprehensive about the idea. “what if we get caught, though?”

“so what if we do? they can’t do anything to me, i’m the prince.” jihoon shrugged. he dealt with every problems he ever ran into in the exact same way.

“i can’t argue with that,” woojin shrugged. “when do you want us to go?”

 

sneaking out was almost too easy, and jihoon was disappointed he wasn’t presented with more of a challenge. the hardest part was convincing one of their servants to help them obtain commoner clothes for them to wear as a disguise. they covered their faces and tried to blend in with a group of merchants who were delivering fresh produce to the kitchens.  

woojin held his hand as soon as they were out of the gates. he breaths were coming in short and sweat beads were forming at his forehead, but he looked so handsome under the moonlight. the simple dark blue robes he was wearing were so unfamiliar to jihoon, but they reminded him a little of the first night they met. woojin smiled brightly at him, the first time since he returned, and jihoon felt a little squeeze in his chest.

he and woojin talked about this a lot, about how life would be like if they met as normal people, if they grew up together as best friends. how fun and simple everything could have been.

“where should we go now?” woojin asked as they entered the town. it felt like the entire world was within their reach. even though it was already getting dark, every corner was decorated with lanterns, and the streets could barely contain the crowds walking through them.

“let’s eat first,” jihoon said. he dragged him over to the food stalls and bought two sticks of glazed dumplings.

woojin’s eyes widened after taking the first bite. “this is the best thing i’ve ever eaten.”

jihoon laughed. “isn’t it? don’t feed your entire face too, though.” he gently rubbed his thumb against the corner of woojin’s mouth, and woojin responded by putting sauce on jihoon’s cheek.

“you look better this way,” woojin said proudly.

jihoon shoved him aside and walked away. “that’s it, i’m divorcing you.”

he waited for woojin to run after him and apologize, but woojin just yelled. “good luck with that! your family adores me, they’ll never let an amazing catch like me get away!”

“i hate you!” jihoon yelled back, turning a few heads around them. he wandered off alone, deep into the crowds, until he completely lost sight of his husband. 

of course, staying angry at woojin for more than five minutes was a feat that he had not yet accomplished, and he found himself missing him soon after. he was about to start looking for him when something caught his eye. two matching dragon pins.

the street vendor was pleased when jihoon walked towards his stall. he was dressed down than usual, but he still passed off as the son of a noble family. 

“ah, the two finest items in my collection,” the vendor said when he noticed what jihoon was staring at. “identical replicas of the royal soulmarks, so you could feel like a prince yourself!”

jihoon snorted at that. the pin didn’t even look that much like his soulmark. still, it would be a good present to give woojin. to remind him of brighter days like this one when he was feeling down.

“perhaps for you and your partner?”

“wha-”

two arms sneaked up from behind him and wrapped around his waist. woojin propped his head on jihoon’s shoulder. “they’re cute, let’s get them,” he said nonchalantly.

“how long have you been standing there?” jihoon asked, feeling embarrassed.

“long enough to notice how much you seem to like these pins,” woojin replied. “they do look a little familiar.”

“really? i think they’re grossly inaccurate,” jihoon said, ignoring the confused look on the merchant’s face.

woojin ignored him and took out his money pouch. “we’ll take both of them,” he said and slapped four golden coins on the table before the man got the chance to ask them how much they were. he gasped and tried to refuse the money, but woojin and jihoon were already on their way.

“look at you,” jihoon teased. “mystery nobleman handing gold over to strangers.”

“shut up, that man has five daughters, they could probably really use that money,” woojin said, looking away.

“you can be really cool sometimes, you know that?” jihoon smiled softly.

“and you? take a risking and sneaking me out of the palace to cheer me up?” woojin said, and jihoon blushed.

“was i that obvious about it?”

they were  sitting at the at the time, it is a little quieter hear the crowd  had diminished and jihoon can only hear the sound of their breathing and the faint music. It was just the two of them, and jihoon felt like he no longer had to hide behind that wall of playfulness and teasing that they had built up. 

“you’ve been following me around like a puppy since i came back, it was hard not to notice.”

jihoon felt embarrassed, but woojin didn’t sound annoyed. he was grateful. they sat in silence, basking in the light of the full moon and the gentle spring breeze.

“i wish everyday could be like this,” woojin confessed.

“me too.” he turned to look at woojin, but woojin was already starting at him intently. “w-what is it?” jihoon asked, he wanted to look away but couldn’t.

“i’ve been meaning to ask you something,” woojin murmured. but jihoon didn’t need to hear it, he already knew what it was, he felt it in every touch and every look that they’ve exchanged today. 

woojin, never the one to express himself with words, tucked all the words he wanted to say in a kiss.

it was soft and tender. woojin kissed him shyly, hesitantly, asking a question that jihoon had been waiting for for a long time.

he had his answer ready when they broke apart.

“finally.”

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

“i still can’t believe irene agreed to marry you,” jihoon says after the obligatory hugs and congratulations. “she’s way out of your league.”

jisung laughs. “please, she’s been hinting at marriage for six months before i proposed, but i’m hard to pin down. i mean, imagine how sad my fans must be feeling right now.”

“i saw the ‘congrats on  _ finally _ getting married’ banner they prepared for you outside, jisung.”

“you’re this mean to me even on my wedding day,” jisung frowns. 

jihoon clings to his arm and rests his cheek on his shoulder. “that’s just how i express my love for you.”

jisung ruffles his hair. “i can’t wait until i get to tease you at your own wedding.”

 

jihoon’s plan for jisung’s wedding is simple: give jisung shit, get as drunk as possible, and grab the mic to drunkenly sing one of jisung’s songs in front of all the guests. 

today is his first day off in weeks. being the star of the biggest show on tv right now means that he has to spend his entire life on set. it got to the point where the line between real life and his character started to blur. he doesn’t mind though, he is obsessed with his job as it is, and even now, he can’t stop thinking about how they’re holding up on set without him.

he is thinking about calling the director to ask for updates when he sees him.

woojin is sitting two tables away, chatting up a girl he’s never seen before. jihoon does a double take, he looks totally out of place in the hall filled with top stars and the staff of his and jisung’s company. he can’t help but stare, woojin cleans up well in a suit with his hair styled up. it reminds him of their high school graduation, and how nervous woojin looked then. he’s a different person now, confident and sharp. he says something and the entire table laughs. the girl slaps his shoulder and he grins mischievously at her.

woojin finally catches his eye, and jihoon wants to look away, but it’s too late now. he made it too obvious that he’s been staring. woojin says something to his friends and then gets up and heads towards him. jihoon’s heart is pounding. 

“aren’t you the guy from that show? _ spring days  _ or something?” woojin says, and jihoon’s worries melts away.

“hilarious,” jihoon smiles. “how did you get invited to this wedding?”

“i have my connections in the entertainment industry,” woojin answers, and jihoon raises an eyebrow at him. “irene and i work together. she was actually in charge of training me.”

he sits down on the empty seat next to him. “also, that’s no way to greet an old friend now is it?”

“i literally just spotted you there,” jihoon protests.

“were you planning to do anything about it?” jihoon is silent. “i wouldn’t have noticed you staring at me if it weren’t for sooyoung. she is obsessed with your show, she kept begging irene to introduce you to her.”

jihoon glances at woojin’s table. sure enough, the girl he was talking to waves and winks at him.

“she’s pretty,” jihoon blurts out.

“yeah, and she has a girlfriend,” woojin says. he smirks. “you were wondering weren’t you?”

“i was not.” jihoon blushes. “anyway, don’t you have to get back to your table? you seemed popular back there.”

woojin shrugs. “i see these idiots everyday, i can be away from them for a couple of hours.”

they catch up, and jihoon tells him all about how things have changed their last meeting at woojin’s apartment. after one of his commercials went viral online, his popularity exploded and every producer suddenly wanted to cast him in their next drama. he waited until his contract with his useless company finally expired and moved to jisung’s agency before accepting any offers. most people now recognized him as the crown prince in the historical drama  _ spring days _ .

he doesn’t talk about his break up with guanlin.

their relationship was long over before he left the company, but they held on to it until the very last day. they said their goodbyes with a long kiss before jihoon moved out of the dorm they shared for years.

woojin doesn’t say much in comparison. his life is relatively calmer, and he dedicated most of it to his career as a doctor.

“hey,” woojin says, sounding pretty tipsty. “we’re both twenty six, single, slightly drunk at this boring wedding.”

jihoon gulps. “what are you saying?”

“i’m saying,” he leans closer to jihoon. “what’s stopping us from giving it a try now?”

he doesn’t need to ask jihoon twice. he’s not sure what it is about woojin, but he always felt like an inevitability. a person that has always been a part of the vague vision he calls his future. they are like two magnets and it was only a matter of time before nature finally pulled them together.

jihoon drags him to the bathroom and pushes him against the door of one of the stalls. he pulls him closer by his tie and kisses him deeply, and woojin’s hands immediately wrap around his waist.

“i never stopped thinking about us,” woojin pants when they break apart. “i never stopped thinking about  _ you _ .”

their eyes meet and woojin suddenly lets out a pained groan. he stumbles back a little, but jihoon grabs his neck and mumbles a  _ shut up _ before kissing him again. 

he doesn’t want to think too hard about this, he doesn’t want to be worried and scared of the consequences. he suddenly remembers that he doesn’t have to anymore, that he and woojin were finally at the right place at the right time, and he this time he is  determined not to let him go.

he tries to unbutton woojin’s shirt and fails, his fingers are way too shaky. that uneasy feeling from the clubroom and the apartment returns, but he ignores it. 

woojin gently stops him. he’s breathing shallowly, clutching his chest lightly, but he doesn’t look like he has any intention of stopping.

“we can’t do this in the bathroom, at a  _ wedding _ ,” he giggles. he leaves a trail of kisses along jihoon’s neck as he waits for his answer.

“where do you suggest we go then?” jihoon asks impatiently.

“my place? after this?” woojin suggests, and jihoon nods, wondering if he can keep it together until the end of the reception.

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

mornings had become so much harder.

woojin was a cuddler, which meant that jihoon had to spend a considerable amount in the morning untageling himself from him first before he could get out of bed and begin his day. most of the time he would just give in and snuggle in closer to him instead, forgetting the world and all the responsibilities they had. who cared about that when you had the best husband in the world?

but today was difficult for a different reason.

jihoon woke up early so he could watch woojin’s peaceful sleeping face for what might be the last time in a very long time.

despite jisung and woojin’s sister’s best efforts, the war broke out anyway, and woojin knew that he had to fulfill his duties and protect his country alongside his people.

jihoon was angry at how cruel fate was to him. he and woojin only got to live together as lovers for a few months before he got ripped away by circumstances that either of them could have any control over.

woojin woke up with a loud whine, just like he did on any normal day, and jihoon shut him up with a kiss.

“good morning,” he said softly.

woojin was quiet for a long time. “looking at me like that only makes this harder, you know,” he answered quietly.

jihoon kissed him again. “good. think about me the entire time you’re there, so you’ll be extra careful and come home to me safely.” 

woojin hugged him close and hummed. “ah yes, the perfect fighting strategy. think about your gorgeous husband while slaying men on the battlefield.”

“it’s a flawless plan,” jihoon agreed. “i’m surprised jisung hasn’t appointed me as his war advisor yet.”

he secretly wished his brother would, though. any post that would allow him to go with woojin and fight right by his side. jisung forbade him and the rest of the family of getting involved, terrified of losing any of them in a war that doesn’t even directly involve their kingdom.

woojin’s expression turned a little dark at the suggestion, and jihoon nudged him. “i’m only joking, calm down.”

“promise me you’ll be safe while i’m not here,” woojin said for what must have been the hundredth time that week.

jihoon rolled his eyes. “i’m the one who should be worried, not you! what could possibly happen to me in a place that is literally built and designed to protect me at any cost?” woojin opened his mouth, presumably to recount all their misadventures that resulted in jihoon getting injured. the most recent time was last month, when he climbed a wall because jinyoung said that he couldn’t. jihoon interrupted him before he could say it. “do not answer that question.”

“alright, let me rephrase that, don’t listen to what that idiot jinyoung says until i get back,” woojin said. “or daehwi, or sungwoon, and especially not seongwoo.”

“i promise i’ll behave until you come back,” jihoon said, giving in. he knew he wouldn’t have the spirit to attempt anything stupid while woojin is gone. he was going to spend the entire time moping around again.

the sunlight coming in from the window made him realize that no one came to wake them up despite the fact that it was late into the day. he figured that their servants were ordered to leave them alone to say their goodbyes.

the rest of the day went by in a flash, and woojin mostly spent it saying his goodbyes to everyone in the palace, from jihoon’s brothers to the kitchen staff who always gave him freebies when he stopped by. jihoon trailed behind him the entire time, soaking in the beautiful sound of his laughter and holding his hand through the particularly difficult encounters.

in the end, it was just him and jihoon alone again.

“i’m going to be fine,” woojin said again, hardly keeping it together himself. “i don’t want your crying face to be the last thing i see before leave.”

jihoon braved a smile for him through his tears, and woojin leaned down to kiss it. “i love you,” he told him one more time, and jihoon held him tight. he couldn’t say it back. he could barely even speak.

woojin was hesitant to pull away. he was hesitant to break eye contact with jihoon. he couldn’t turn back when he was being urged to get on his horse. but he had to.

the most difficult part was having to watch woojin turn his back to him. he had to stop himself from screaming out his name and begging him to come back.

jihoon’s bed felt impossibly cold that night. he didn’t get a wink of sleep.

 

a month went by, and then two. and then the first letter arrived.

_ “doing great. missing you everyday.” _

jihoon wrote pages and pages of letters. on some days he poured his heart out, on others he just talked about the mundane happenings in the palace. 

he didn’t send most of them.

jihoon wanted to tell him about it all in person when woojin came back. he had to believe that he was going to.

six months and two letters in, jisung summoned him to the throne room.

“the situation is a little difficult,” he told jihoon. “there is a possibility tha-”

jihoon turned around and walked out before he could finish his sentence. he wasn’t ready to hear this yet.

a year passed, and jihoon learned not to expect letters anymore.

he woke up one morning with a searing pain in his chest, like someone just pressed hot iron right into his soulmark. his whole body was hyperventilating, and he tried to stand up but fell down with a loud thud. 

the servants rushed into his room. one of them propped him up while another tried to help him drink some water, but most of it spilled over to his chin instead. he tried to speak, he wanted to tell them about what happened, but he felt like vines were growing inside his throat, choking him and preventing him from saying anything.

his brothers, jisung included, were all gathered inside his residence within an hour.

“what’s wrong? is he going to be okay?” they asked the doctor, but he just shook his head.

“physically, there is nothing wrong with him,” he said as he placed his hand over jihoon’s soulmark, making him scream in pain. “it might be because of prince woojin.”

jihoon nodded frantically, pointing to his chest.

everyone in the room exchanged knowing looks, and jisung whispered something to one of the court ladies.

the royal oracle arrived late in the evening, her heavy dark garbs dragging on the floor behind her. her face was covered, only a frown was visible.

she took one look at jihoon, who was still withering in pain and gasping for breath, before announcing the news to his family.

“prince woojin is dead.”

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

jihoon is twenty eight. he has the perfect job and the perfect apartment and the perfect boyfriend.

he’s miserable.

there is something that has been gnawing away at his soul for so long that he can’t even remember when it started. a deep sense of dread that follows him everywhere, and he wonders if this is what happens when you reach that point where you have everything in life. 

the strange pain that he gets in his chest is concentrated to one area: just under his left collarbone.

“and cut! great work, let’s take five everybody,” the director yells. jihoon sighs and relaxes his shoulders. 

he walks off the set and his manager rushes to his side and hands him a bottle of water. “still the same today?” he asks.

“yeah i- don’t worry about it. i have things under control,” jihoon lies. he can’t afford to be like this right now, the movie shoot is scheduled to go on until two in the morning today, and the director expects a lot from him.

he promises himself not to do any more action blockbusters after this one.

jihoon checks his messages. he has three texts from woojin, all casual, just asking about how his day is going. he doesn’t say anything about their fight that morning, and jihoon feels both grateful and a little frustrated. woojin has two strategies to solve every conflict, it’s either sex or pretending that nothing happened until they both forget about why they were mad in the first place. it’s not healthy, but it works for them. or at least that’s what jihoon tells himself.

they both have odd work schedule that makes it difficult for them to see each other that often anyway, and the distance turns their anger into longing.

he gets called back to the set and jihoon types a quick _love you_ and _i’ll see you_ _soon_ before putting away his phone.

he’s home by three. the apartment is dark and jihoon initially assumes that woojin is stuck in another late night shift, but he finds him asleep on the couch, probably too tired to change his clothes or walk all the way to the bedroom. 

jihoon gently shakes him awake. “woojin?”

woojin slowly opens his eyes, and smiles widely when he sees jihoon in front of him. he takes his hand and squeezes it. “welcome home.”

jihoon leans down to kiss him. “you need to stop sleeping on the couch.”

woojin sits up. “jjaeni and cloud were taking up my side of the bed,” he whined. “they looked so comfortable there, i didn’t wanna disturb them.”

jihoon rolls his eyes. their dogs have more authority in their home than his boyfriend does. “well, jjaeni and cloud didn’t just spend the entire day at the hospital, so i think that they’re the ones who should be sleeping on the couch.”

he helps woojin get changed and tucks him into bed before slipping in next to him.

“babe?” woojin mumbles.

“hmm?” jihoon wants to get as much sleep as possible before heading back to the set in 5 hours.

“don’t forget about next weekend.”

“what’s next weekend?” 

woojin opens his eyes. “we’re going home? to visit my parents?”

_ oh shit.  _ “yeah, sure, i’m gonna text my manager about it.”

“jihoon, i told you about this a whole month ago.”

“look, i’m sorry okay?” he snaps. “things have been crazy on set, i could barely remember to feed myself these days.”

woojin turns away from him without saying a word, and jihoon has difficulty falling asleep, his heart feeling heavy.

 

jihoon’s manager threatens to murder him when he asks for a favor, but thankfully, he manages to clear his schedule for two days.

the long car ride to their hometown is nice, it’s the much needed romantic vacation they’ve always talked about.

“i hope your mother doesn’t make it weird again,” jihoon says with a shudder.

woojin laughs. “i’m sorry she has a hard time accepting that the little neighborhood kid who played football outside her house everyday is now sleeping with her son.”

they initially weren’t planning on telling their parents about their relationship, but the last time they went home jihoon accidentally kissed woojin as he was leaving the room after dinner with his parents. his mother told woojin’s mother, and within a few hours every single person in the neighborhood had heard that they were dating. they stopped coming after that, but woojin started to feel bad and planned this trip, which kept getting put off for months because of jihoon’s hectic schedule.

the next few hours go by quietly. jihoon rests his head on the window and watches as the high rise buildings are replaced with valleys and trees. maybe this is what he really needs, time away from his busy life in the city. the strange feeling persists, it’s almost like a core part of who he is now. he takes a few long breaths to try and calm himself down.

woojin reaches over to take his hand and squeezes it. it doesn’t really help at all.

jihoon is scared.

dinner goes by smoothly, woojin’s parents treat him a lot differently than they did before. just a few years ago, they talked to him just like they did when he was five years old. but now, two years into his relationship with woojin, he might as well be their son-in-law. they ask a lot of unsubtle questions about his income and the stability of his career, and jihoon begins to answer before woojin shoots them both a look, and they back down.

“well, they weren’t as weird about it as the last time,” jihoon says as he throws on his favorite sleepwear, one of woojin’s old t-shirts. “but your father was this close to asking me what i was planning to wear for our wedding.”

he expects a laugh and snarky response from woojin, but he’s silent.

“can you….not do that?”

jihoon raises an eyebrow. “do what?”

“joke about marriage, like….like it’s something so ridiculous that you can’t even give it serious consideration.”

jihoon is shocked. he never thought that this was something that was on woojin’s mind. to him, their relationship is still too rocky, he feels like it could unravel any minute. it doesn’t make sense. he loves woojin. they’ve been together for over twenty years, marrying him is just the next logical step.

but why does he insist on staying in the comfortable space they’ve built together, refusing to move forward?

“i’m sorry,” jihoon says, and his voice breaks. he can’t avoid having this conversation any longer. “i’m sorry i keep saying stupid things and not considering how you feel. i’m sorry i almost forgot about this trip, i’m sorry i’m keeping you tied down like this with no intention of marrying you.” 

woojin is taken aback. “j-jihoon, it’s not that big of a deal. you could have just said sorry,” he says, flustered.

“it’s not okay!” he nearly yells, his eyes are welling up with tears. that horrible feeling expands inside of him, it spreads to every single cell of his body, and he clutches his head and pulls his hair. “things are never okay, there is always something stupid that drifts us apart like this. it’s a nonstop stream of petty arguments and fights and i don’t understand why. i love you, i wish i could spend the rest of my life with you, so why does this keep happening?”

he collapses on the floor and sobs quietly. “why am i so miserable?” 

woojin sits down next to him, and jihoon quickly realizes that he’s crying too.

“jihoon,” he says. “don’t you feel like this happened before?”

jihoon looks up. “what do you mean?” he never opened up to woojin about their relationship like this.

“sometime i get this strong deja vu when i’m with you. my chest feels tight, but not in a good way. everything feels wrong, an ominous feeling just takes over me and all i know is that i have to get as far away from you as possible.”

jihoon doesn’t feel hurt or angry at his words. he is horrified. woojin has been feeling the exact same way this entire time.

“you feel it too, don’t you? please don’t lie to me.”

jihoon nods, but he feels scared. acknowledging it doesn’t feel as relieving as he expected it to be. he knows what this could mean for their relationship, and he’s not sure he could let it happen.

“i have these weird dreams sometimes,” he confesses. “about us in different lives, just as miserable as we are now. i kept trying to ignore it but it was all so  _ vivid _ .”

“i do, too.”

they’re quiet for a long time, neither of them willing to say the words that could end everything.

“why didn’t you say anything?” jihoon finally asks, suddenly curious.

“because, deep down, i know how this story ends,” woojin answers. “and i know that if we ever talked about it….”

something else suddenly surges in jihoon. a will to fight.

“but so what if we do? why are we going by stupid instincts and feelings that don’t mean anything? what matters is that i’m still right here in front of you despite everything, that we’re together.”

“why, though? why are you fighting so desperately for us?” woojin asks, already given up.

jihoon is trembling. “i can’t stand it. i can’t stand the idea of seeing your back turned to me, i can’t watch you walk away again.”

woojin looks at him directly, and jihoon flinches. he has never seen look so broken and defeated.

“i’m sorry.”

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

  
  


“hey guanlin, do you believe in soulmates?” 

guanlin looked up from the book he was reading and smiled warmly. “of course, i did find mine after all.” he paused. “and you did too, didn’t you?”

jihoon nodded slowly. it was hard for him to admit, but guanlin had most likely figured it out long ago anyway. 

“and you’re not doing anything about it because….?”

“that’s not what i want to talk about,” jihoon said, blushing.

guanling set his book aside. “what’s wrong?” he asked, looking concerned.

“s-so imagine if the binding ceremony wasn’t properly sealed, what happens then?”

guanlin gasped. “you-”

“no!” jihoon said immediately. “not me and woojin. i just mean like, hypothetically.”

“well, in that case, if you were paying attention when we studied this you would have remembered that there is a penalty,” guanlin said. he learned more from jihoon’s royal education than jihoon ever did, which worked out just fine for him, since he could just ask his companion about anything he wanted like this.

“a penalty?” jihoon asked. he had no memory of this at all.

“if the ancient rituals are not performed properly,” guanlin recited the information he memorized years ago. “the two people involved are cursed to never find happiness together in their next lives.”

 

☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎ ☾☽ ☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎☁︎

 

jihoon is thirty. he has the perfect job and the perfect apartment.

he feels happy.

**Author's Note:**

> (i'm sorry)
> 
> thanks for reading! you can find me on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/puppylove) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/demonjihoon).


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